Cory is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.  He is a craftsman with sheet metal, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.  He has been known to remodel igloos on lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.  He can pilot his tricycle up Simplot Hill with unflagging speed and can cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.  At bus stops, he translates ethnic slurs for Tanzanian refugees.  For work, Cory practices Origami with 28 gauge steel.  He manages to manage time efficiently and communicates effectively.  He stays in shape by treading water for days in a row.  Women are wooed by his sensuous and godlike trombone playing.  If Tim Robbins wasn't old, he would like Cory. 

Dan is a licensed HVAC Journeyman capable of swatting ping-pong balls at 78 MPH.  Using only his hoe and a large rubber band, he once single-handedly defended a small Amazon Village from a horde of ferocious army ants.  He plays a mean bluegrass cello, models for Compound W and has been the subject of numerous documentaries.  He can vaporize a cigarette instantly using only his Aura and makes an extraordinary four course meals using only the sun, a pineapple can and flip flops.  Dan gets vertigo while reflecting within.  When he goes nowhere, he's now here.  His dance moves were stolen by Napoleon Dynamite, who voted for Dan.  The laws of Physics do not apply to Dan as he occupies black matter in the fourth dimension.

Jessica is a cunning linguist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless book keeper.  Hair dressers worldwide swoon over her uv responsive yarn hair weaves.  She is into Punk Smooth Jazz.  Although a private citizen, her alter ego receives fan mail.  She was nominated Heineken Girl; she has been caller number X and recently rode in Aerosmith's limo while wintering in Orlando.  Last summer she toured Black Rock City on a magic carpet and she knew Larry Harvey before he started smoking.  Her photosynthetic arrangements have earned her fame in international botany circles.  She can wear high heels in sand.  In the morning, Jessica delivers motivational speeches with her megaphone. 

Chris Callor is a humble man without faults.  His perfect bald head serves as an "infrared thermometer" capable of detecting drafts as miniscule as a fly's fart and the heat generated from said explosion.  Experts say his patented "Callor-brated Dome" is a genetically modified advantage in the Building Science industry.  He invented the cordless extension cord.  He sleeps once a week.  When he does sleep, he sleeps in a tree house.  Callor was circumcised early, this made walking difficult his first year.  Later, he crayoned "Real Eyes Realize Real Lies" on a grain of rice.  In 1994, he successfully negotiated with a group of protesting Zimbabwean Students who had seized a small tavern.  He is the pigment in colorful imagination and creator of "Mo-Gain", his own line of Mohawk Hair Pieces.

Lynas truly is a son of a bitch.  He enjoys skinny dipping, public displays of affection and nude strolls in the park.  He appears in sepia but see's in ultraviolet.  His magnificent ears are immune to commands.  He invented the Space Doo Doo pistol endorsed by Doctor Octagon.  He is a cat herder by birth.  He rolls his Rs when pronouncing any variation of the word ruff.  If silence is a virtue, Lynas is neither. 

Riley is just a fun lovable good boy.  If we told you anymore, you'd owe us a dollar.